Jello Tired

**whiney post alert**

There I gave you a warning so you can stop reading if you are going to judge me for my post. If you do choose to keep reading don’t worry it wont be too long, my fingers hurt. So here goes… Today I am tired, like the kind of tired that feels like you are moving through a bowl of jello tired, have been all week really. No I don’t stay up too late and no I don’t party hard, unfortunately that is just my life. Heck last Thursday I went to the cook off, didn’t stay too late and barely had anything to drink, and this is the end result of a good time. Auto Immune Sucks…can I get an Amen??? Being tired I can handle. I argue with myself about getting up everyday, but I still do it and make it to work on time. I drink coffee but it doesn’t do much, with the exception of tasting amazing, and making me feel warm and fuzzy and my fog in my head somewhat clears. But being tired and hurting, now that I can handle… most days. Today I am not doing so good at handling it. The pain is random and sometimes I hurt in places I didn’t even know had feeling and some days I just cant take it anymore. Today is that day. I haven’t felt that great all week, and I am just over it. My fingers hurt and I type all day, my hips hurt and I sit a lot, I have a few other pains that literally make me think wtf, how in the world does that hurt and omg can it please stop. So on top of being jello tired, I am in pain and you can please stick a fork in me because I am done. So I guess that is it… That is my rant for today… If someone could please tell me where the off switch is I would greatly appreciate it.

Friends... when the shit hits the fan.

Have you ever sat back and looked at your friends and family, I mean really look at them. Look at how they treat you, look at how they treat others, and then look at your life as a whole. Have you ever looked around and thought to yourself if the shit ever hits the fan I know I can depend on all of these people in my life? Most of you cannot say that. Most of you think you know the people you are friends with but do you really? Sometimes it takes going through a pretty bad moment in your life to realize just who has your back and who doesn't and after that happens and you lose all of your so called friends you learn how to pick them. You learn the qualities you are looking for in a friend. You learn who is worth your time and who just isn't. They say that is part of growing up... and at the time when you feel all alone and lost it really sucks. But in the end you are stronger because you survived. I look at the friends I have in my life at this very moment, and I realize how different they are than the friends I thought I had before. Facebook is so kind to remind me of the friends that I have lost with the "on this day" posts but I no longer look at it as a bad loss. I look at it as how much better my life is without that kind of negativity in my life. I look at it as the bullet I dodged losing that person or persons as a friend. I am at peace with it... Because in the end, looking at it now, I am surrounded by some strong amazing people. People who see my flaws and love me anyways. I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones I do have count. The ones I do have can know that when the shit hits the fan I will be there by their side, doing everything I can and then some.

The Valentines Day Stigma

Let me start this post with the below statement:

I am not a bitter person, nor is my relationship a reflection of how I feel about Valentines Day. I have always felt the way I describe below.

I am very happy and very much in love so please don't go assuming that this must be a scorned woman's rant.

 

I've never been one to believe that Valentine's Day was a day of love. I tend to believe that you should show the person you love that you love them every day- not just on one single day of the year.

See I believe that you should show the one you love that you love them all the time. Buy her flowers for no reason on a Tuesday, in the middle of the week, not because you're in trouble, not because a holiday says that you should but merely because you want to. Bring her Reese's pieces on a day when she's had a bad day and you know she could use that guilty little pleasure... post sweet things on Facebook about each other every day of the year or just randomly as you see fit but not because a hallmark holiday told you to. Ladies this goes for you too... Spoil your man because he deserves to be spoiled. This game of love is a two way street, every day of the year.

I rather enjoy seeing all of the love on Facebook, all the happy couples that posted pictures and that were professing their love for one another. The image portrayed of how happy they were together, that image is how it should be all the time not because some holiday told you should. Pronounce it to everybody all the time because Lord only knows that love is work, it's not easy, heck life is not easy either but with the one that you love, with the person that makes it all better life is worth it. 

I've always thought the Valentine's Day was almost an insult for the single people out there, a reminder to all the single parents that they're doing this alone, a reminder to all the single windows that their husbands have passed long before them,  a reminder to anyone that just hasn't met that love of their life that they are alone and what better way to remind them with all the chocolates and all the cards and all of the red and pink crap in stores at this time a year.

It is a reminder that if they want chocolates or they want flowers or balloons they need to buy it themselves... it's sad really. The amount of money we spend on one day of the year is ridiculous... The amount of money parents shell out for their kids to participate in the festivities at school is all just a waste.

What about the kid that doesn't get a valentine.. or God for bid, when they used to do the carnations at school and you had to buy one for yourself just to make sure that you weren't the only one left out when they delivered them to the classroom because how embarrassing is that, to be the one that didn't get one. I'm guilty of that I'm guilty of buying myself a carnation because I didn't want to be the person that didn't have one and sometimes I was the only one that bought one for me and that in itself is depressing. This whole stigma that is set upon us from a young age, telling us that this is what we need to do because this is a holiday that is there to show love.Well I don't believe in it, I don't believe that a holiday should make us be the person that we need to be 365 days a year. I don't believe that a holiday should define who we are because in all honesty if you can't do that every single day, if you can't be that person every single day who are you fooling really. Who are you pretending to be one day out of the year because it certainly not yourself.

As imperfect as that may be...

I am not perfect. There I said it, shocker right??? Just kidding, but in reality no one is. I think it would be terribly exhausting to even try to be perfect all the time. I don't wake up every morning and stress about how I look, nor do I care. I don't pretend to have it all together, because I don't. Yes sometimes I amaze myself when I get on a roll but that does not mean I don't make mistakes.  You can make yourself look perfect on paper, or on the book face for that matter, but you are not. Not saying we don't try to be perfect in our own ways but we just were just not made to be perfect. Perfect looks does not mean you are a great person, being a great person does not mean you have it all together. Perfection is just not feasible.
With all that being said we really should not expect perfection from each other. We should not judge each other for our looks, or for our mistakes, we should embrace them and lift them up and be a support system. I say should because more often than not we don't. We tear each other down and add to the stress of others already stressful lives and we hang each other out to dry. I am guilty as charged. Why? Because I am not perfect.
I can sit here and tell you all the things we should do, all the things I should do, but executing them is the hard part. All I can really do is say I will try harder... but if I fail I wont beat myself up... After all... I am only human as imperfect as that may be...

A Love Like No Other...

No one really can prepare you for being a mother. You can read the books, hear other peoples stories, but there is nothing like that very first moment that you hold that screaming bundle of joy in your arms... The last 13 hours suddenly fade away and every ache and pain in your body is worth it. You suddenly realize the love you feel for this tiny little baby is better than anything you have ever experienced. Sounds amazing right? Well what they don't tell you about is the fact that this amazing love often hurts at times. Not at first really, yes we are tired and worn out and we shed a few thousand tears but that is more out of exhaustion. The hurt I am talking about comes long after you teach them to walk, talk, and feed themselves, after you mold them into the tiny little human they are going to become and they become independent and you can no longer protect them from the pains of life. They don't tell you that your heart breaks into a million pieces when you know they have been hurt by someone they love and look up to. They don't tell you how terribly heart breaking it is to see the smile fade from their eyes, knowing all you can do is hold them tight and reassure them it is ok. Knowing the pain that she feels because you yourself experienced it as a child and you would do anything to not have her feel that pain. It is terrible but then those tiny hands reach out for you and you comfort them and you can feel the life coming back into them as you remind them of the love you have for them. A love like no other... We cant fight their battles for them, as much as we would like to at times, but we can teach them how to navigate through those muddy waters and we can show them how to handle bad situations with poise and grace. We can teach them to forgive and we can teach them to love anyways. To love from a heart that is not cold, a heart that is pure, a heart that will be broken a thousand times. We can show them compassion and how to love others as you would want them to love you in return, no matter what that outcome might be. We show them how no matter what we will always be there for them, proud of them, lifting them up no matter what they do. We do all these things, not out of obligation, but because it comes naturally to us as a mother. Something happens the day they are born, deep from within our soul, and suddenly nothing will ever be as important as they are. That is purely a love like no other.

No Intro Needed...

I have wanted to write for a long time now... but something about it is intimidating... Maybe it is the fact that people will read it... who knows. You know it is bad when you find yourself writing in your head and thinking man... I should write these thoughts down. Seriously. I have those conversations all the time. So I switched blog sites and tried to remove as much personal information as possible and tada we have a new blog... Noodles not Squares. You might be thinking what in the world is that and why would she name her blog that. Well if you just waited a few minutes I can explain... Just kidding. I remember a sermon a long time ago about the difference in men and women. Women are like a bowl of noodles with our thoughts. We have 50 noodles in the bowl and they are all intertwined and we can have a million things to focus on at once and we can handle it. Men are like waffles, they take life one square at a time. They tend to not be in more than one square at once, nor do they tend to care about the next square until they get there. We are wired differently and that is ok.  So with that being said be prepared for some major randomness... Some thoughts may be repetitive, others may not make a whole heck of a lot of sense... But this is my blog and I can do what I want! :)